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so apparently "slaves" is produced the same way in T9 Word as "plates."
and i meant to send someone a message tonight that said i broke a bunch of plates at work.

hasn't been the best for sure.

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gloomy gloomy
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this is all i can think about.


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you promised you would wake me up.
so it baffles me that you'd wouldn't understand why i'm angry that you didn't.

skipping spanish today for an online realism&naturalism midterm.
what can you do?

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annoyed annoyed
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"yeah, and i doubt you would do it."
fuck you, you fucking cunt.

mom is getting released from the hospital today. finally.
theresa will be staying with her since she is a loser and does not have a job or a life.
if i could survive off of other people's money and NOT have to wait tables full time on top of taking 15 credit hours at a university, I WOULD.
it sounds amazing.
you get to sit. watch movies. read whatever you want. oh wait. haha.

if she thinks because i have a lot going on right now that i am not being there for mom she is sadly fucking mistaken.

i have never met a worse person. and it's funny how i came to his realization about 10 years ago and it still holds strong. she sickens me and her ignorance is baffling.

perhaps today is just not a day for me to be toyed with.
walking my bike up to a spot to lock up and a girl swoops in on her bike really fast and sets hers against the pole, right in front of me.
get on the elevator because i'm running a bit late, it is PACKED, a girl gets on at the second floor. and then gets off on the third. BITCH YOU AREN'T HANDICAPPED. granted i'm on this fucking machine but at least i'm going up several stories!
everyone was in the way.
people were walking as if they are brain dead.

i hope i cheer up before work.

i am so stressed, have so much to do, midterms all week, and now i have to deal with having the shittiest sister on top of my mom not being well. i'm not going to try to be empathetic toward her, and think maybe she's stressed too, maybe she is sad and is just taking it out on me.
no. she really has no feelings for anyone and completely lacks the ability to emphathize.
i really have no idea how she came to be.
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pissed off pissed off
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slept in.
got up and got a hair cut.
came home and made awesome lunch.
john just left for the rescue squad and won't be back until tomorrow morning.
time for me to get to the hospital with beowulf and the marrow of tradition in tow.
plan on just camping out for as long as possible.
can't wait to see her.

syncin' the new pod for the ride. can't wait.

i'm feeling positive.


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Current Mood:
okay okay
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was informed shortly after getting to school yesterday that one of my mother's lungs had collapsed. so i just sat in class staring, trying not to cry and not listening to anything. i should've just left, and am not sure why i didn't.
on the drive home i was crossing the bridge and saw a funeral procession coming in the opposite direction and just starting bawling. once i parked in front of the house i just sat, sniffling and staring into the park. i guess it's always easy to imagine the worse.

john called out of work, and so did i. we went to the hospital and waited. from 2 til 7 p.m. for her to get out of tests (they said it would take 2 hours at the most). we saw her get rolled past the waiting room and shortly after we were allowed to go back. she didn't look any worse than last time she was in the ICU, and i was relieved. i had the whole day to imagine her near death, looking like a ghost and fading. but no, she made jokes and told me about how she hates it and wants to leave already. apparently she has many ulcers in her stomach, and when she threw up (something about alcohol) one burst? or something. not sure of medical terms, but basically upon her arrival the night before they had to cauterize the inside of her stomach to stop bleeding and the nurses told me she almost died. in the tests she was doing yesterday they found a bunch of gallstones and her small intestine looks bad. or something like that. she goes in for more tests today and then they'll decide what procedures need to be done. i have no idea when she'll be out. but she looked and sounded WAY better than i expected, and i left the hospital relieved despite it all.

got home and read a bit of "marrow of tradition" by charles chesnutt. it's pretty awesome. started catching up on beowulf in the waiting room earlier in the hospital (although i've already read it).
need to spend this weekend reading the bible for that lit class.
i'm feeling less stressed even though i haven't caught back up by much.

i went to bed early.
woke up real early.
drank coffee. got dressed. got ticket for gwar.
john dropped me off at my spanish tutor appointment, and joni was very helpful. i set it up so i have an appointment with her every friday @ 10 for the rest of the semester.
got to spanish classroom and class was canceled.
here i am now.
then to realism and naturalism to discuss what we've read in "marrow of tradition"
and then john is going to pick me back up and we're going to stony pt. for pf changs.
because that is the mall where the guy on craigslist wanted to meet to sell us his 120G ipod classic for cheapcheap. i'll fill it with music and listen to it.
after eating i'll drop john off at work.
visit mom.
go to plan9 for hershel's bday bash.
have drinks somewhere.
and then gwar. probably by myself. but i'm not worried. it'll be awesome.
probably need to get my glasses tightened before i go, actually.

tonight should be fun. and just thinking about not having anything due tomorrow makes me feel like i've lost 300 pounds. while still eating everything i want. and riding a segway instead of walking. and
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cheerful cheerful
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so i guess i've been having a lame, sad week.
don't know what's causing it all.
but i think i'm just not motivated for school like i should be, and it's getting me down in everything else.

yesterday, for example
i woke up EARLY to write a paper that was due the day before (but extensions were granted for the whole class). i had a million times i could've worked on it, but didn't.
the minimum was 4 pages. i wrote 3 and a half. i NEVER do that.
after dropping off the worst thing i've ever written (which is no way an exaggeration), i go to my first spanish exam. and end up leaving half of it blank because i have no clue what the fuck it is asking me. and i can't write NOR speak any of it anyway.
the rest of the day is mediocre, in my bible literature class i just do homework for other classes after taking a quiz on readings i didn't do.
and then theresa calls me and says that mom is in the hospital again. for throwing up blood again. because she drinks too much. and she's doing it to herself. again.

john bought a huge tv. and i don't like how high he put it on the wall. and it makes me never want to watch anything again. i know i'm sad, and that's why i'm being a jerk about it, but really, i'm just being honest. it hurts my neck it's so high. it's like front row in the theatre, but when i commented it made him mad. and wouldn't talk to me.
and all i need right now is someone to talk to.
i imagine he listened to me cry myself to sleep because when i woke up a little while later he was up, doing things.
i'm just hurting a lot on different levels.

going to class now. didn't do the reading for it.
afterward i have a class i skipped on tuesday, so i have to turn in the work i didn't get to because i didn't go.
i went to bed by 11 or 12 last night, got up at 8 (when i set my alarm for 6), and still feel exhausted.
this fucking sucks.
and then i guess i'll drive to the hospital.

sleep until work at 6? when i should be doing work? i guess i'll see.

gwar is playing tomorrow so i got my shift covered. really want to go. but i feel like i have a lot of responsibility or something that i would be neglecting if i go..
guess i don't care, actually.

hopefully sucking at everything won't last long.
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sad sad
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had the weirdest dream last night that i was naked mostly through.
it started out with me playing poker at penny lane and then leaving to hang out with olivia at an old co-workers house. i got in the shower and kept talking to her for a couple of hours and then walked around naked in this guys house while all his roommates were walking around. then i went to this big warehouse where bread is made and christine is there and they have these HUGE showers for like machines or something along the wall, but we decide to use them. and she keeps all her clothes on, but i get naked again. and then regulars from work start showing up like the warehouse is the pub and some are offended at my being naked, and others don't acknowledge it.
and then my alarm went off and i hit snooze 4 times.

i think all of my dreams lately have dealt with work, which sucks because that's where i always am anyway. night before last i had a dream that penny lane was in a boat, and terry and i were on the deck waiting to seat customers when a storm hit and i got sent overboard and woke up in a start because i thought i was really drowning.

does this all mean i need a new job?
work every day this week but sunday. i think that's just crazy. i usually at least have wednesday off.

tryin not to get stressed, but i have papers due coming up.
only three weeks left of school!
have a 5-10 page paper analyzing poetry due thursday. guess that means i have to do it tonight, and tomorrow morning before work.
have a 10 page paper for shakespeare due the 9th.
and lots of readings and finals coming up.
but then i'll only have one semester left before i graduate and maybe if i just think about that the whole time i'll be fine.

i've been worrying so much about having straight A's and a bomb GPA since i did it somehow last semester.. but i've been getting back a lot of B papers (ones that i thought were A papers) so i don't think it's gonna happen. but GPAs aren't what is important... right?

had an awesome weekend. saw ben kweller sunday and it was amazing.
it's great to know i can see him a decade after i started listening to all of the songs he played sunday and he can still rock.

10 minutes before i have to brave the cold bridge crossing the river.
wish me warm travels.
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groggy groggy
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isn't bing just the worst?
if it were possible to hold a rifle to its temple and blow its brains out,
i would.
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yesterday i did none of my homework.
and instead we woke up and drove to DC.
we walked through the smithsonian, saw awesome folk art, an elvis presley and modern art exhibit.
ate a nice dinner at a thai/sushi place.
and then went to the 9:30 club and saw rye rye and die antwoord. i love them. and it was the best show i've seen in a while.
i am so happy.

in wonderful, amazing news:

there are a lot of different trailers online.. not sure which are the best.. but i figured i'd stick with one with the best views. i don't care what anyone says -- i am very excited. hopefully it can redeem the 3rd?
i will always be a fan.
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ecstatic ecstatic
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